weekend of decadence

saldım çayıra, mevlam kayıra. bu kadar güzel bir söz olabilir mi??? ben iki gündür saldım. vücudumu:)) halbuki vücudum çooooook tatlı intikam projemin önemli bir parçası.muhohaaaa....ormanda avlanan vahşi hayvan vücudu gibi kıvrak ve atak olmalı ama şu anda çubuklu pijamasıyla televizyon seyreden löpçük teddy bear kıvamına doğru ilerliyor hızla. ve benim umurumda değil. çünkü bu haftasonu is the weekend of decadence. şu aptal makaleyi bitirene kadar her türlü, her miktar çikolata, (ha bir de çikolata çok tatlı geldiğinden ekmek arası yiyorum ben) en yağlı ve tuzlu patlamış mısırlar serbest...kahve eşliğinde: selülit kokteyli...Ama bu sıkıcılıkla başka türlü başa çıkmam mümkün değillll. bir nefes boşluğu açmak zorundayım, bir renk, bir tat, bir doku...
Pazartesi çukulata ve tatlı hayatımdan çıkıyor ve zaten ada ve yürüyüş ve bisiklet ve v.s...
Ama Pazartesi güzel olmak zorundayım hımm...nasıl çözeriz bunu, şöyle: bu yaşlarda bir dirhem et bin ayıp örtmekte . o zaman dikkat oraya çekile, uzun ve püfür püfür bir etek giyile...onun üstümde kalacağına emin oluna:))))))) böyle bir eteğim vardır umarım ki...üst taraf zaten şahane...
bu yaşların bir güzelliği de şu, ay bunu da kendime dert edemem halet-i ruhiyesi ki bayılıyorum...
neyse yediğim çukulatanın hadd ü hesabı yok, hakkaten yok. Bunlar bana hızla selülit, sivilce ve ayva göbek olarak geri dönmüş durumda. Hızla çünkü kahve bütün o vıcıkları vücudumda adeta bir Prusya askeri disipliniyle tutuyor...
Neyse hakkıyla bir decadannt week end geçireyim de....dibe vurunca yukarı çıkmak daha zevkli olur ve dipten güç alırsın vs...
acaba akşam ne yesem...
işte böyleaaa...

Butterflies fly

Now  is such an interesting time.
 For a long long time very strong passion and desire has been flowing through me...or in other words life has been flowing through me. To be burned and reborn from your ashes...it gets easier everytime and carries you far...time of stark contrast, let's say...
I was surely a strange child, I have always prayed for power...what does a little girl mean when she uses that huge word, power. What she meant has changed over time and it becomes clearer and clearer to her each and every day. And as it gets clearer we are becoming one. The road to power for sure, now I am sure, goes through the valleys of love, gentleness and kindness. The other forms of power that life has cause me to witness have all come tumbling down. They were weakness in disguise.
This period has triggered a list, a long and delicious list that I want to manifest. That is simply being alive, sweet butterflies fly around in delight as I imagine myself in the doing and having of all those things...I want my liberty, freedom now more than anything and I want to flirt and play with this wonderful world and nature...I want to teach this spirit to my daughter. I want her to take birds and butterflies seriously:)) I want her to be able to tap her inner worth easily...I want her to know that we are from a family of witch women and she knows:)) She only has to look inside...
I love this journey, it is sooooo delicious. I am sooooooooooooo thankful.
Now this summer I will be the Indiana Jones of Osman's dream, I will walk through the magical forests, dangerous dungeons, delicios stories, portrayals, myths and mysteries of the Empire, making delicious connections as I walk...I, with two of my dear friends that share the common iamginative currency with me...I am so lucky...
There is grace in surrender...I will just take my cosy and comfortable seat and watch all the things that will take place, fully believing that manifestations will be much more delicious and wonderfull and sunjoyfull that my wildest dreams...

Power is in the now:))

carrot intention

Hımm...just introspecting...there is something dry and joyless inside. It is just like the remaining frozen part of a meat that has been left to defrost. You know deep down there, solid, hard, dry...frozen işte. And it has a connection with the corners of my mouth, it keeps them down and of course another connection with the stone in my throat that does not let me swallow. It is not all that bad, but it is not all that good either. It is like Rameau's clavecein piece..the one I regard as the most successful depiction of autumn.

But it will change, the wheather will change, the frequency will change. It is a time of contrast and I have so many new intents. I will let life flow through me.

And my carrot intent- the major one, will come to me.

There will come a day when I will be the dominant intention of my carrot intention.

Clausewitz

"The best strategy is always to be very strong; first in general, and then at the decisive point. . . There is no higher and simpler law of strategy than that of keeping one's forces concentrated."

Herr Wernher Braun

little poem in respect for Herr Braun's most invaluable contributions to science and to self, in an effort to procastinate reading Selim Deringil's 'Well Protected Domains'

IS SCIENCE ANOTHER MIRROR OF LIFE, OR WHAT?

Herr Braun's inventions still continue to galvanize,
Even the folks who are totally at a loss with rocket science...
I find myself carried away by this most exhilirating aerodynamic design
While a 'similar form' equally combustible erupts in the inspired mind of mine...
Images of rockets and whipped cream intertwine
Aber sehr sehr unglücklich, the beholder and master is gone
to a highly important meeting, meine lieber Herr Braun...

Invictus

INVICTUS

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul,

William Ernest Henley.

Doin notin is fun:))

I stopped in the middle of the sea
In an equal distance between back and forth
Standing here watching, as autumn took away all my energy
and encased me into this passive-observer state of wonder
Usually a place I do not like
Away from the safety of the shore or the glory of the destination.
But standing in the middle...
Not bad as it used to be
My muscles are strong, my concentration not concentrated on flight nor fight...
Bur rather on pleasure...
It wavers on sunrise, sundawn, breezes, tempests, waves and winds.
And of course lush green forests
I am gonna move soon, I know...
Just a little bit more...
Just a little bit more in bed, just a little bit more at home, just a little bit more within
Just a little bit more doin notin...
Waitin for
Many things to unfold and manifest
So many delicious things:))