The closed door

The joy for the joy as an end in itself came back.
This is the real joy.
The period of enslavement is over.
However I still do not go to that door.
No... that is wrong, I often find myself  wandering in front of that door, especially late at night... dressed in my long white linen gown, and a candle in my hand...with an expression of longing on my face and with a yearning in my soul to understand... and to see him once again...
But the Prussian soldier in me and, how I love him, soothes me...
He says it is OK to wander around that door but my dear child do not open iy yet, it will only hurt you, make u sorry and weak...so no need...
There are other doors inside you...many many doors and many many floors...
Doors that open to love and friendship...
Doors that open to secret gardens, cabinets of curiosities...
Doors thatopen to colors, exquisite perfumes and all sorts of delicious things...
You are rich...
So go to another, which will make you feel better...
Even a bit better is still better...
And with time, the other doors that open and will open to better feeling places will transform u, expand u, make u stronger...
And then, try that door...
But you will see dear child, u will not have to make the effort...
That door will open to u all by itself if u r still interested in what is beyond...
It will open  in a wider angle that u have dreamt it to open
And once more u will be suprised how the magic of life beats ur wildest dreams...
how impossible, seemingly unconnected or even blocking events unite to form the bricks
of the way that leads you to the beyond of that door...
Once a door is opened it is really never closed as long as you want it to be closed...
Once a hand is extanded, it never returns without what it has asked for...
Change is in the air...
I just love the feeling...